Articles Index/Norfolk Tales
Posted 06/13/10

Understanding Your Veterinarian’s Automated Telephone System

Providing the best veterinary care is something we all want for our dogs. To give you some insight on how things work from the point of view of your veterinarian’s staff, read the following we picked up from the Web. The actual author of this piece is unknown, but speaking from someone who has ‘been there’ this list is right on!

To make an appointment, please press 1

To tell us your life history as well as your pet’s before making your appointment, please press 2

To speak directly to a doctor, press 3

If you feel your pet’s condition warrants pulling a doctor away from the patient he/she is currently seeing or operating on, press 4

For a listing of the doctor’s home telephone # and beeper #, please press 5

To schedule emergency after hours surgery, press 6

If your regular vet is on vacation, press 7

If your pet’s condition has persisted for 2-6 months but has suddenly become an emergency and he needs to be seen this evening (after 6 PM), please press 8

For a toenail trim on your 100-lb aggressive dog, press 9. If it is before 7 a.m. or after 7 p.m., please press 10 for our treatment technician’s home phone number.

If you would like us to hold a check for you until the following month, please press 11

If you would like us to post date a previously held post dated check, press 12

If you would like us to mail back your post dated check so that you can send us one for less money, or to make other payment arrangements, please press 13 for our office manager.

Also, press 13 if you need to bring in 10 unvaccinated puppies with vomiting and bloody diarrhea and you have $10 in your pocket.

If you have been on hold for 10 minutes, press 14

If you have been on hold for 20 minutes, press 15

If you have been on hold for 30 minutes, press 16 for the receptionist or send her an e-mail.

If you are under stress and need to project your anger at someone, press 17 for a receptionist.

To determine if your pet’s condition (i.e. hit by car, grand mal seizures or unconscious) is serious and it needs to be seen today, press 18. Our team of experts is standing by waiting to debate the issue with you for as long as it takes.

If your animal has not eaten in 10 days, press 19

If you have accidentally taken your animal’s flea control pill or heartworm medication, press 20

If your reptile (snake, Savannah monitor, iguana, chameleon, etc.) has been living in a dark 30 degree room and has not eaten in 60 days, press 21

If you have a 220+ lb pot-bellied pig or other large farm animal please, press 22 for drive through surgery service.

If you live in a rural area and your “rock walder gots the mange,” press 23

If you are lonesome and just want to talk, press 24 and our receptionist will set up a private home appointment for you with a vet.

If your mouse was eaten by your snake, your snake killed by your cat, your cat attacked by your dog, and your dog was kicked by your goat please, press 25

None of these numbers will give you a real person, but they’ll take your mind off your problems for awhile. Our automated telephone services allows us to serve your pet’s needs 24 hours a day 7 days a week!

ANTIC, March, 2009

Back to Articles Index
Back to Home Page

Copyright © 2010 by ANTA. All rights reserved