If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, the best carpet will do.
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get the door open stand on hind legs and hammer with front paws.
When a door is opened, use it. But, when you have ordered an outside door to be opened, it is important to stand halfway out and think about things. This is especially important during very cold weather.
When supervising cooking, stand behind the left foot of the cook where you will be stepped on and consoled with food.
Because you are a dog, you're expected to bark. So bark. A lot! Your people will be happy to hear you protecting their house, especially late at night when they're sleeping peacefully. There is no more secure feeling for humans than to keep waking in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark bark bark.
When chasing cats, never quite catch them. It spoils future fun.
House breaking is very important. Remember to break as much of the house as you can.
People like to be sniffed, everywhere! It is your duty to accommodate them.
Rather than dig a big hole in the middle of the garden, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard.
When out for a walk, never use your own front lawn, always use the neighbor's.
Make a contribution to the fashion industry: eat a shoe!
When your family has visitors, determine which one is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room barking loudly and leap playfully onto his or her lap. If this person falls on the floor and starts crying, lick the face and growl gently to show concern.
It is perfectly OK to make your bed on the new sofa once the family has gone to bed.
ANTIC March, 2002
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